February 18, 2011

Debating Erin Andrews with The Score Whisperer.

The Score Whisperer and I were chatting about Erin Andrews last week, when it quickly became clear that we hold divergent opinions.  It is rare that I disagree with The Score Whisperer over such things, because she is magical and all, and part of me is always fearful that she could turn and use her powers for evil.  Like to will UNC to victory or something. She is also right most of the time, but that is beside the point.  So this was a real conundrum for me. I decided to present our arguments to the CDTF masses and see what you all think.  This will save us from setting up the baby oil wrestling ring, which is how we normally resolve our disagreements.  So thanks in advance for your help.

The Score Whisperer:
The thing about me is, I'm not super begrudging of pretty women. Like, I don't really get that jealous. Maybe envious, like maybe I wish I had their figure, or their normal-sized head, or the ability to brush their teeth while simultaneously walking upright. But generally, I'm rarely like "She's super gorgeous, I hate that and I hate her." Lest I appear more awesome than I am, don't get me wrong, I say lots of snarky things about women (and men, it's equal opportunity up in here), but honestly, it's rarely in this particular vein.

That said. I don't like Erin Andrews. Because of what I mention above, I have to believe it is not because she is pretty, but because of how people think she is pretty and I don't. I get that objectively speaking, Erin Andrews is pretty. And on a scale where she is a 10, I'm like a 4, so really, I am in no position to judge. (In reality, I think Erin Andrews is more like an 8, which on the same scale puts me at a 2, so like REALLY, no place to judge.) But, I just don't get it. People go all apeshit for how hot she is and I don't know. She just doesn't move me that way.  So what BUGS me is this: her whole persona as like "Hot Sports Chick.” I am going to go out on a controversial limb and say I think this is an okay sort of trope that we have in our society. Like, I can understand why for men, a girl who is both hot and into (and knowledgeable about - that's key) sports is like double hotness. BUT. I object to Erin's hotness AND I object to her sports knowledge.

I think in the interviews she does, she comes off as a dumb hot chick, or maybe if I am feeling generous, an acceptably-intelligent-but-not-necessarily-smart-in-sports hot chick. I am pretty sure that I would think that Erin Andrews was AWESOME if I could respect what she brings to the table as an ESPN reporter even if I didn't necessarily agree with conventional wisdom in regards to her hotness. But, as we've established, she falls flat for me in that respect. So, I just find it really hard to put up with both the conversation about her as "just pretty but not very good at sports-talk" angle because I don't think she's that pretty. And I find it equally hard to bear when people defend her as a great example of a hot sports chick who knows her shit, because I don't think she does.

Where does that leave me? Basically? Irrational fury every time I see her face on a TV screen. I certainly did NOT like when she brought her horsey face over to Dancing with the Stars and got all coy are-they-aren't-they with Maks, whom I adore. But, more recently, when she nabbed the first post-game interview with Nolan Smith on the court after Duke's win against UNC and my reaction was: "Damn, bitch, get off my (fake) boyfriend Nolan with your skank self."

Erin Andrews is hot. Let’s just get that out there right now. I mean, I would probably bang her, so I can only imagine what most guys want to do to her. Especially the creepy horndogs at ESPN. I’d quit the law in about two seconds to switch jobs with her, and I actually like what I do every day. She is a loaded celebrity who travels all over the country to pal around with superstar jocks and see the best sporting events for free. She was on the floor in Cameron vs. UNC! So in many ways, I want to be Erin Andrews. And I am happy that a woman, any woman, has achieved the status that she has at ESPN; she has broken many ceilings there, which is truly impressive.  It is hard not to root for someone like that.

But here is the thing: Erin Andrews would not have her kickass awesome job – the one that brought her fame and fortune – if she wasn’t hot.  She would just be another dumb blonde. Harsh, I know, but read her introductory paragraph on Wikipedia:  
Erin Jill Andrews (born May 4, 1978) is an American sportscaster, popular among male sports fans for her beauty. In 2007 and 2008, she was voted "America's Sexiest Sportscaster" by Playboy magazine.  Andrews became an advocate for tougher anti-stalking laws after a high profile incident in 2009 when videos showing her naked in a hotel room were taken without her knowledge and posted on the internet.    
Literally, the only thing that Erin Andrews is known for is that dudes want to fuck her. She rocketed up the corporate ladder – not because of journalism awards or hard-nose reporting or detailed sports knowledge – but because she is pretty. And that is pretty lame. I like Erin Andrews, I do. But I need brains. And I’d vote her off the island (and the floor in Cameron) long before my girls Linda Cohn or Suzy Kolber. So there we have it, the tribe has spoken.


  1. I'm a bit confused. There's so little difference in your views (you both don't really like her, and besides her hotness, you don't like her for the same reasons - she's not knowledgeable). I think you're referring to "happy" as "glad" here.

    Clearly, you should resort to the baby oil wrestling ring to settle your happy/gladness dispute. I would suggest recording it and posting it to youtube so that:
    1. your viewers could vote on which of you defended your position best.
    2. it might get noticed by ESPN, and you could be offered your own chance up their corporate ladder.

    And if 1 and 2 fail, we still have the clip to enjoy (making this metaphorically similar to the world's most sexist joke: "How can you tell when a woman is faking an Orgasm?" ANSWR: "Who cares?")

  2. Yeah, I noticed how similar our opinions are, too. And your sexist joke made me laugh. If you are nice, sanfran, I may just tell you about the time I really did baby oil wrestle and the cops were called. There may or may not be photographic evidence.

  3. Well, then I may have to tell about the naked bike-riding arrest of my buddy's girlfriend while the rest of us "high-tailed" it (literally) and got away. Happy days on Carolina Ave. in Raleigh. My other arrest story has a Duke component. Clearly, there is information to be exchanged here (though while photos of some burly cop yelling at college kids doesn't do it for me, there's probably a site that caters to that kind of thing).

  4. I do hate to start off with a cliche, but....it's the system.

    Andrews has all of forty-seven seconds to say, "Well coach, how will you motivate your guys to get the offense going?" And, "They've outscored you in points in the paint by ten in the half, how will you change that up?"

    I don't think she's that dumb - and there are vapid ones out there, both M and F. I think it is unfortunate that the long blond hair, wide toothy smile thing is almost universally applauded. Give me - and I mean it - Rachel Nichols any day. But she's not revered as "classically pretty" so probably makes lots less than EA. And I believe Nichols does know her stuff, particularly the NFL. Until the game changes, a lot, there will be EA and clones out there. But frankly, hating on her is beneath you both.

    - Manhattan man

  5. I like her boobies. Is she a sportscaster or something? Did I say that out loud?