February 7, 2011

Just Call Me Michael Vick.

Last week, amongst other debauchery, I was directly implicated in the murder of Uga VIII, the University of Georgia’s adorable mascot. I am now haunted by a bulldog.

You see, each week, I write for my good friend Shane over at Seth Curry Saves Duke!, an awesome blog that you all must bookmark immediately. Last Friday, as part of a feature known as “Beat the Jillarrie,” I riffed about Uga’s illustrious family history and I sarcastically mentioned that there would soon be auditions for the next mascot because this one – Uga VIII, my eventual victim – was recently diagnosed with lymphoma. He was diagnosed on January 7, 2011 and I really expected the furry little meatball to keep waddling along. The Uga piece was posted at 8:58 a.m. on Friday, February 4, 2011. Uga died a few hours later. I am either the next Miss Cleo or going straight to hell for this – like, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

From all of us here at Chicks Dig The Fastball (and by "us," I mean me, the dog killer), we offer our deepest condolences. Rest in peace Uga, sweet creature of adorable fatness who met a premature but predestined demise. You will be missed (until you are replaced by a creature of equal cuteness and heartwarming chubbiness). Sigh, I am shaking my head.

It just goes to show that the pen/internet really IS mightier than the sword. Which I think TMZ proved to the world long ago. Nevertheless, I have tried to wash the blood of Uga off of my hands, but to no avail; the guilt is an ever-present storm cloud in my life, hovering inconspicuously over my shoulder, much like the creepy dog ghost that has been silently barking at me and following me around since Friday. I don’t know, eerie coincidence. In other news, I have been offered the role of back-up quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles next season.

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