March 3, 2011

Christopher Michael Carroll is NOT Husband of the Year.

This is so, SO incredibly crazy. And awful. And perhaps a bit amusing. That said, I do not, in any way, advocate driving 100mph while your spouse clings to the hood of your car. Snark can’t do it justice, so here it is, in full, courtesy of The Huffington Post: 
The woman desperately gripped a windshield wiper blade, her body splayed across the hood of the minivan as it raced down a Northern California freeway in the middle of the night, reaching 100 mph, witnesses said.  With the temperature hovering in the low 30s, Christopher Michael Carroll drove 35 miles from Manteca to nearby Pleasanton on Saturday with his wife clinging to the hood, prompting 911 calls from at least two alarmed witnesses, police said. Carroll, 36, was being held without bail Wednesday at the San Joaquin County Jail on charges of attempted murder, kidnapping and domestic assault, according to sheriff's department records.

Carroll got into the family's minivan around 12:30 a.m. Saturday after he and his wife had an argument at their Manteca home, said police spokesman Rex Osborn.  "She kind of goes with the van to try to stop him, gets up on the hood and is hanging on to the wiper blade," he said. "She obviously didn't think he would keep driving."  Carroll sped through Manteca, got on the freeway and didn't pull over until he reached Pleasanton, Osborn said.  One witness followed Carroll most of the way and told police his speed reached 100 mph.  Eventually, Carroll slowed down the vehicle and his wife "was able to roll off," Osborn said. The driver following the vehicle took the woman to a nearby hospital, where she was treated for hypothermia.  Carroll returned home, where police arrested him a short time later, Osborn said. He is scheduled to appear in court Thursday, and authorities said they wouldn't know whether he has an attorney until then.

The wild ride happened several days after Carroll was arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance, Osborn said.  Police received a phone call Feb. 23 from a witness who reported that Carroll had climbed into a 6-foot-deep trash bin in Manteca and was threatening to drown himself in the 5 inches of water that had collected at the bottom, Osborn said. "We went out there and talked to him for about an hour and he was obviously on some kind of drugs," Osborn said.  Carroll was booked into county jail that afternoon and released the following day, he said.
I mean, only a week before, this poor woman had to live through the shame of her husband being arrested for threatening to drown himself in a dumpster filled with five inches of water.  And now he tries to kill her?  By way of mini-van murder at triple-digit speeds in freezing temperatures? Just some friendly advice to all of the guys out there: In terms of marriage, the phrase “was able to roll off” should really only apply after sex – never to motor vehicles.  Thanks.  

1 comment:

  1. I don't know, if I get into an argument, sometimes I like to go for a drive with the windows rolled down after. So, like... similar?