This weekend, the Score Whisperer and I got together to banter about the Yankees-Red Sox. Like usual, our conversation…meandered. It meandered from Joe Buck to facial hair to steroids to ARod’s weird coloring to the art of chewing sunflower seeds. It veered off into porn nicknames and middle school boyfriends and Cooperstown and Britney Spears. We may have also talked about some baseball.
JHop: Ugh Joe Buck. Why are we so close to his face?
Score Whisperer: Because there's so much of it? His eyebrows are so low and his forehead is so huge. It is disconcerting.
JHop: I can’t tell if I’m distracted by his hair or forehead. I just want the camera back about two feet. Is that his father next to him? Same striped tie, overly large forehead, terrible hair? Clay Buckholz looks like a rat. The announcers just said, as part of the scouting report, he “has to pitch downhill.” Doesn’t everyone have to pitch downhill? I am really bothered by this Manny thing.
Score Whisperer: Seth Meyers had a tweet last night that was like "I bet Manny thought that he would probably just keep playing despite his retirement announcement." Which like? Yep. I bet he shows up to practice. Not Monday, because he probably wasn't that consistent before. I love Clay Buchholz. But again with the distractingly horrifying facial hair. Did the announcer just say Buccholz Buttwipe? Is that a thing?
JHop: I heard Buccholz “buckler.” But it could have been buttwipe. We can go with that.
Score Whisperer: Ah, okay. I can admit I may have misheard. I do not know what a buckler is and I feel like there might be some money to be made in buttwipes. Lord knows those Charmin bears are probably rolling in it. Oh! It's a pitch! I thought it was something he was marketing in his homestate of Texas.
JHop: He is from Texas? I don’t see that for some reason.
Score Whisperer: I will wikipedipong him… Nederland, Texas. And he is my age!!! Shit, he is five months YOUNGER than me. Nothing freaks me out than being older than professional athletes
JHop: The Baseball Jesus draws an awesome walk while down 0-2, that was great. I KNOW. Omg it freaks me out all the time. Why doesnt someone cut his hair for him? He looks homeless
Score Whisperer: Maybe he cut his hair for himself. I don't mind it
JHop: With a weed whacker? His chin hair though. Just, ugh....hurl
Score Whisperer: I wonder if his facial pubes are an effort to look more grown up. When will men learn? DO YOU THINK!?...that maybe real men are copying BASEBALL players?! WOOT. I LOVE when people get thrown out
JHop: Terrible. DJ was out by like two miles. And Salty sucks as a catcher, I’m sorry. That was awful, especially with Tex and ARod up.
Score Whisperer: Also, isn't it neat how deceptively challenging Saltalamacchia's last name is to pronounce? It just flows when they say it. But you see it and it's like "whew, I do not want to say THAT aloud!" But it's real easy. For someone with low pronunciation esteem, it is very intimidating to behold BUT! It's easy to say.
JHop: It bothers me when names are too long on jerseys. It just looks unnatural, forced. And I love foreigners like Ichiro who have their first names. I would feel like Madonna
Score Whisperer: Exactly. Can we discuss how Carl Crawford is amazing? Not quite yet with the Red Sox, but I was watching this feature on him the other day, and he could have gone to like Oklahoma for football and like…maybe USC for basketball?
JHop: Okay I agree, in terms of being an athlete. Amazing. But he is getting paid as a power hitter, and he isn’t. He is a speed monster and a great hitter. But not worth what he is getting paid.
Score Whisperer: I was almost going to faint with joy when Pedroia up and saved the day yesterday. I believe strongly that it was because he shaved that ratty beard
JHop: He reminds me of DJ in his younger days. Just everywhere
Score Whisperer: OH! The announcer JUST said that as you typed it!! "Jeter-like"
JHop: Damn it, walk. Gonzo has been on fire for the sox. He worries me, like youkalis
Score Whisperer: He's great. A natural Red Sox. He sort of makes up for me missing Mike Lowell so much. Guaranteed, if Mike Lowell was on the team, they would not have gone 0-6. He would have figured out a way to come the fuck back. He was a clutch player. Like, he wasn't great when the rest of the team was, but he always dug real deep when they weren't
JHop: I liked Lowell, an original Yankee who played his ass off. Ivan needs to get his shit together. Jesus 4 pitch walk. We need a double play ball
JHop: Woooooo. Strike out on the foul tip. 2 outs. Big Papi is so....big
Score Whisperer: Now, HE has got SOME facial hair! It is like a facial topiary. Look close at it. It's all like one piece
JHop: It’s almost acceptable. I feel like if you have had the same facial hair for a decade it becomes okay. Or like....not heinous. Oh, its not the chin strap anymore. Fail.
Score Whisperer: the sides are particularly fascinating to me. Or if you are just such a character that your facial hair is just one of the many aspects that define your "character", I feel fine. Like if he could speak a coherent sentence, I wouldn't want that. Same with half-decent-looking facial hair. No thanks!
JHop: That’s a good point. I liked that he said Manny was in the "best shapes" of his life. ShapeS.
Score Whisperer: Only to Big Papi does Manny Ramirez '11 look like he is in any sort of anything that could be described as "best" or "shape"
JHop: PLURAL SHAPES, but yes
Score Whisperer: Well, I guess yeah, maybe he is in the best two shapes of his life
JHop: ARod leads off. Two shapes being juiced and old?
Score Whisperer: Two normal sized shapes combine into one super sized shape?
JHop: With dreadlocks and a bad attitude? ARod’s purple lips really truly disturb me
Score Whisperer: yeah, he's not naturally colored. He looks like he got permanent makeupped on his face and it was botched. But lord is his skin ever dreamy
JHop: And he has pretty eyes
Score Whisperer: I think he has creepy eyes. Creepy light
JHop: They are a pretty color!
Score Whisperer: it's a disconcerting combo. I guess like if you popped out his eyeballs, they would be empirically a pretty color, but i find the combo on his face to be disconcerting. Like JC Chasez from Mickey Mouse Club and... N'Sync
JHop: I love JC, please do not disparage him. He was my fave NSyncer
Score Whisperer: No, he's fine
JHop: Super fine, with those piercing blue eyes and falsetto
Score Whisperer: But his eye/hair combo has freaked me out since I was too little to pass such judgment. Cano loves a double.
JHop: Robbie rockets a ball off the ball! Super hot. 2nd and 3rd, no out. He drilled that. Anywhere else it would have been out
Score Whisperer: I would like Robbie Cano to be my middle school boyfriend. Like, can't you just picture him waiting by your locker and like coming over to study.
JHop: Why middle school? So you didn’t have to put out? I would like Nick Swisher to be my high school boyfriend. He would be FUN
Score Whisperer: No, there is just like something adolescent about him that i enjoy. I feel like he would try to make moves while doing algebra. And they would be surprisingly smooth for like a 13 year old. But never sleazy. Yeah, TOTALLY Swish for Prom King and we'd have to help him remember to apply for college. Obvi they'd be recruited to play baseball. And then they'd have different types of girls whoring after them trying to marry money. But they'll remember our time together fondly. And then maybe in 10 years, they look me up because they're like "she was really into ME, not the superstar athlete i was to become.” And they ask me to babysit their children while they go to Aruba with their hot wife for vacay.
JHop: You could be the nanny that they have an affair with. I would support that
Score Whisperer: No, no, no. That's not what I meant. Though i should have known you'd go there. I would just like to be their friend
JHop: I knew you’d protest. And I’m nodding vigorously. Wait, who is this person? No seriously, who the hell is this on TV? Eric Chavez? This is not 2003. I’m glad these idiot announcers just explained that the Yanks don’t wear pinstripes on the road. 2 outs, first and second, Gardner up. Struck out. Lame, but the yanks pick up 2
Score Whisperer: Soooo... Gardner. He's not very good at baseball. But he is an impressive example of how running fast is the most singularly useful of skills if you're not actually good at baseball but want to be a professional baseball player
JHop: stop it! I love him. He is so fast and scrappy. He reminds me of my own softball-ness. I lost my power as I got older and became a bunt/speed/defensive specialist. I still hit .380, but only because I was fast. So I have a lot of respect for Brett. But yes I agree, guys like him do not need as much raw talent, in terms of baseball-ness. Leadoff hit by someone on the sox
Score Whisperer: it's JD Drew. Who is another one whose facial hair gives me real To Catch a Predator creeps.
JHop: Jacoby or Salty? Who would you rather?
Score Whisperer: Oooh, tough call. Jacoby and I have history, but probably Salty is slightly more of a type that I would be into in real life. Jacoby is so noble-faced. It would intimidate me in real life to not be the prettier of the two of us
JHop: He is very aristocratic looking. Popup to left and a great catch by gardner. See that is why he is awesome.
Score Whisperer: There you go, there's your twin making a quick scrappy play. Speaking of, and I have no idea where this is coming from or whether it is accurate, but I could see you with someone that looked like Brett Gardner in real life. A little taller, but generally
JHop: Um I need hair. But otherwise yes totally. Hair is extremely important to me. What the fuck is up with your team and facial hair?
Score Whisperer: oh, right. But assuming he was found in The Real World, I bet his doppelganger would be a little taller and a little more haired. I wonder if Carl Crawford's facial hair is like an initiation ritual
JHop: Yes i would totally go for that. If he wore a hat all the time, i would be cool with it too. He is otherwise so cute. NICE PLAY. I just did a fist pump. Seriously. Jeter to ARod at third on the non-force play to end the inning!
Score Whisperer: They almost didn't make that play. Honestly, much as I love Derek Jeter, he also sort of freaks me out with his light-eyed-ness
JHop: stop this malarkey. He has BEAUTIFUL eyes. His hair has always bothered me. A little too flat-topped. Tex has a HUGE ass
Score Whisperer: he really does. Like he could be a male figure skater with that ass. Or like... a video ho-fessional
JHop: it is so so big. Jorge posada too, ginormous ass. ARod also. Its a Yankees middle of the lineup requirement. Like the Red Sox disgusting facial hair prereq. Also? I cannot chew more than one sunflower seed at a time. I have always admired people who can put a whole mouthful and somehow pick out the seeds
Score Whisperer: i can barely chew one sunflower seed without using my hands. Plus, i hate spitting. Did you hear that? "You know what else is getting it done? YOU with that information." Are these announcers going to make out?
JHop: I hope so. FOX people would FLIP. The govt could shut down for real.
Score Whisperer: oh, that was so awk how they were talking about great 2nd basemen and then he totally biffed that play at 2nd. Rough bit of bad timing there. I don't have an iPhone ("if you don't have an iPhone, then you don't have an iPhone"), but don't you think that Adrian Gonzales looks like an Angry Bird?
JHop: like an angry bird raptor. But yes, totally. I made my friend download that game. Because I wanted to be obsessed like everyone else, with my penchant for games. But i wasnt all that impressed. Red sox get a run on an RBI groundout by Youk, 2-1. And the announcers just called Francona "abe lincoln honest.” Whatever that means. I like Terry. I thought he did such a good job last year with all of the injuries. While i have talked massive amounts of red sox shit this week, I don’t expect them to have anything but an incredible season
Score Whisperer: gosh, i love Tito. He IS a little engine! That is such a cute metaphor. Yeah, he was unbelievable last year. It adds an element of intrigue to have them working back from something. Since they were like a pre-season "shoo-in.” I like to think they are just making it fun
JHop: The Yankees have had horrible April starts too. It’s too early. I mean, the Orioles are in first place
Score Whisperer: Right, and if anyone but the O's were on top of the AL East, I would feel a little more concerned. But please, this is obvi Bizarro April. I am happy for the O's. They've earned a little spotlight. Not like anyone is actually talking about them - far more talk about the Red Sox in last than the O's in first. I think they'll do better with consistent strong management. And what's his name? Bucky? Is that right? It sounds wrong, but it feels right
JHop: Buck Showalter?
Score Whisperer: Right. He has an old timey western pony show sort of name. Like Wild Bill Hickox
JHop: Wow Chavez again! With a huge double off the wall. 2nd and 3rd. no outs, Russell Martin up. He looks like a bouncer or something. Too....meaty for me
Score Whisperer: is it okay if we call him Rusty Marty? Like his Full Monty stripper name
JHop: Sure i like that. It sounds dirty
Score Whisperer: Exactly. It sounds like a fucked up thing to do in bed
JHop: You know i approve of dirty. Something you read about somewhere once? Wow HOMERUN!
Score Whisperer: yes, in my extensive "Fucked Up Things to Do in Bed" research. I like what is happening for the bottom of the order here. Always nice to see that happen. I mean, not "always"
Score Whisperer: What!? bite your tongue. I love bowties! I probably love bowties for the same reason you hate them. Whew, I am going to need Clay to go deeper than 4 innings
JHop: Jeets with a one-out single up the middle. Clay is struggling. I do not like crazy rope necklaces. Those lame ones they all wear? For like power and baseball spirit or whatever? Why would you think that helps you play a sport?
Score Whisperer: me neither! Oh gosh, they are so bad. Those and man-shell necklaces. I think maybe all man necklaces
JHop: Except maybe a simple chain. Maybe?
Score Whisperer: I guess... if i had to say, out of metal, shell or rope, I would marry rope, fuck metal and chuck shell. Just like, to prioritize. ARod almost went to The U. That is too much for me to process
JHop: I know. He donates millions. And he hits a nice shot past the shortstop
Score Whisperer: to The U???
JHop: Yup. He built their baseball stadium I think. “In 2003, Rodriguez gave $3.9 million to the University of Miami to renovate its baseball stadium . . . The new facility will be named ‘Alex Rodriguez Park.’”
Score Whisperer: I kind of like that actually. Like, "I didn't end up attending your institution, but I still very much enjoy you and here is some money." Honestly, that makes me like ARod more than anything ever has
JHop: felix doubrant in, still in the 4th inning. Wow. Im surprised, Clay looked sharp early. Does anyone NOT have facial hair?
Score Whisperer: um, poor timing, Salty's clean shaven. Same with Jacoby and Pedroia
JHop: Damn it, youre right. Salty is really cute, I will say it again. I’m a fan
Score Whisperer: I think Scutaro is also clean. Yeah, he is real cute. Does I.Nova need a bandaid? Seriously, get I.Nova a bandaid. What the shit is he doing with his finger in his mouth like that? Joe G's a dad, he should know when his boys need a bandaid
JHop: Crawford with a big hit. First and third, two outs arghhhhh. Ugh pedroia's up. He scares me always scares me, a sign of respect
Score Whisperer: THERE IT IS. LOVE HIM
JHop: sigh, respect for that. Two run double. All of a sudden 5-4. Fuuuuuck
Score Whisperer: You just never know
JHop: thank you, New York lottery. Whew. Yankees get out of that disaster with the lead, but barely. We had a commanding 5-1 lead like 20 minutes ago. Lame
Score Whisperer: what's funny is, i love Pedroia so much, like unequivocally, but i do not like even one physical characteristic of his on its own. "Commanding" is a stretch. It's not like the Sox weren't getting people on base
JHop: i love his....attitude. But yeah physically? A no go
Score Whisperer: oooooh, Joe Mauer and The Man With the Hair?!?! Was that like a special gift from God direct to me? Like, what a random pairing if it was not expressly for my particular enjoyment. The thing with Pedroia, is i am attracted to him, but if i were to break it down to smaller parts, i could not. It is bizarre. It is unpinpointable. Because i mean physically, I have spent three years trying to figure it out
JHop: really, everyone has those dumb necklaces. I dont understand it at all
Score Whisperer: i wonder if because baseball players generally either miss college or go to community college, they never like graduate out of high school dressing bad and then they see each other and like their positions give them cultural clout and then they're like trendsetters and so then that's the look and HS baseball players emulate it and then the whole vicious cycle starts all over again
JHop: its true, mlb is the dumbest sport, statistically. Two run homer by grandy! Big shot, we needed that. Inning over. This is a classically slow yanks/sox game. Nova always fucks up the 5th inning, without fail. Ugh. He is coming out after letting the first two batters reach
Score Whisperer: yeah, lord, it is slow. I do not mind this going to the Yankee pen one little bit
JHop: so. fucking. slow. I bet you don’t. They make me want to cry, except for mo
Score Whisperer: Mo's not really "the pen.” He's like his own whole deal. He's an institution of himself that is separate of like "relief pitching"
JHop: I am going to be so so sad one day. Like my whole teenage and adult life he has been an institution. He is special. Genuinely. One pitch, and everyone knows its coming. Its crazy I think Robertson is cute. I like the brunette sideburns thing. Is salty married? Can you stalk him for me?
Score Whisperer: This would be a hero moment for Salty. Will do. My bet is no. Oh, opposite of hero moment. Well, he is a year younger than me and two years younger than you. Nothing in his personal section about a wife. Though... i do find this interesting as teh only inclusion in the Personal section: Saltalamacchia and his former Rangers teammate, Kason Gabbard, were childhood friends. Both were traded to the Rangers from different teams on July 31, 2007. They were nearly potential teammates once again when the Red Sox, having reacquired Gabbard in 2009, released him from their farm system into free agency on July 24, 2010, exactly one week before Saltalamacchia was traded to Boston.” Which sounds to ME like a different sort of love
JHop: lol. He has a wife! Sigh, she is gym teacher. I can’t even hate her. Oh wait. She was a teacher WHEN he was a student. Scandalous! Wow, great play by pedroia, totally stole a hit from tex by diving stop in the outfield and a quick throw, super impressive. The announcers sound as if they are close to orgasm. Wait, wait, wait. Oh what the fuck? The yankees signed carlos SILVA??? WHAAAAAAAT. Please god what a terrible idea. Wow robbie CRUSHED that ball, 8-4 Yankees.
Score Whisperer: Curtis Granderson is so cute, in my HS analogy, he would totally be my BFF. Swish, to be clear would be my BFF until we dated, but Grandy would be the one that I actually stayed in touch with through college
JHop: i would date swish, like i told you. We would all get over it and then go out on super fun double dates. I would also be down for a brett gardner type. Mike mussina was my dream, I loved how smart he was. But i would have needed to explore his sense of humor before going to third base
Score Whisperer: i appreciate the attention propriety, but would you have really?
JHop: lol, are you calling me a whorebag? I am cool with it. Dustin is cleanshaven, you are right!
Score Whisperer: right, i knew i was right. I have been tracking Pedroia's facial hair on Twitter. Sweet Caroline BAH BAH BAH
JHop: I hate that stupid song. Both of my nemeses - unc and boston- play that song. Wow i come back to another homer by rusty marty
Score Whisperer: Rusty Marty! Whoa, "we are wiping out an entire generation of hall of famers" UH. Nope, you are wiping out a bunch of people who do not deserve to be in the hall of fame
JHop: I am on the fence about this. The hall of fame should be about the best baseball players. You cannot look at, for example, Manny's stats and not say he is not deserving of the hall (if you ignore his defense). I dont know what we should do. I want the next few years to figure it out. But we would be omitting something important in baseball history. Maybe they should have a asterisk with their PED findings/failures – something to distinguish them from the rest. But it would be crazy to leave someone like ARod or Clemens out. So i dont know. And i hate roger and barry and arod and all of those douches. I mean pete rose should be in there, he has the all-time hits record. That is baseball history. He is part of baseball history, good or bad
Score Whisperer: It's not about personality. But to say we're not going to have any Hall of Famers without their inclusion is so disrespectful of the non-juicers
JHop: But dont you think if PEDs could make people hit like manny or barry, there would be more of them? They were still supremely talented, just stupid and greedy.
Score Whisperer: like Jeter for example. Or Mo
JHop: I agree about the nonjuicers. And thats why i think they should be called out, in history on their plaques, with the truth. But their performances cannot just be omitted
Score Whisperer: like, i am not saying steroids are everything. They're not omitted. They still have records, but the Hall is something distinguished beyond just records of play. It's about being a Baseball Player worthy of being recognized for decades to come
JHop: But cooperstown should, ultimately, be about honoring baseball history. Arent barry and arod and rog part of history?
Score Whisperer: part of history, yes. But they've forfeited their right in certain ways to live among the legends. Like, i don't think they're terrible people or bad athletes. And i honestly don't even care about steroid use that much. But if you want the $ and accolades in the short term that steroids bring, I think you have to accept the long term consequences
JHop: I understand your point, i do. Like i said, im torn. There is a morality clause, and that is a whole other argument, but it should be followed. And these dumbasses knew that going in, and still chose to juice. Joba needs a haircut so badly. Its like...curling
Score Whisperer: oh, Joba. He's probably looking for a spot in the Sox pen. Can't believe the Yankees allowed that shag. I really love that Wake has been with the Sox since '95. "He is as classy a guy as his longevity implies" say the announcers. Classiness has absolutely zero to do with longevity
JHop: he is great. I love knuckleballers too. He also gave me my fave moment in sports ever, the Aaron Boone homerun. Bottom of the 8th woooo. Soriano should be in. He sucked for that one game last week, fled from the media, and apologized the next day. Wtf? This stranger has let the first two batters on. Get me Rafael! Okay, bottom of the 9th, we have to deal with the heart of your lineup. Dustin leads off with a double, his third of the day! Um, who is the icon for your fantasy baseball team?
Score Whisperer: WENDELL KIM. He's my very most favorite baseball icon of all time. He was the 3rd base coach for the Giants in the 90s, a.k.a, the heart of my massive SF fandom. And i just loved him. I was going through a real Asian older grandpa thing at the time. Like, was sad i didn't have one. And wanted to marry a Japanese-American man so that my grandchildren could have what i lacked
JHop: have you gotten over that?
Score Whisperer: hmmm... not entirely?
JHop: and the yanks win on the double play. Tomorrow is the rubber match, exciting
Score Whisperer: because you like to say rubber? Do they call it that because it... wraps it up?! Badum ching!
JHop: I dont know, I’ve always wondered
Score Whisperer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_match. There you go, get your learn on. I won't, because I am really super okay with believing it has to do with safe sex
JHop: oh we should learn how to play bowls! Very interesting! “The use of the word "rubber" to describe a tiebreaker is believed to have originated in the English game of bowls. The use of the word Rubber in the Term "rubber match" is believed by many to have been coined due to the likelihood that each fighter has been knocked down to the floor or "rubber" mat of the boxing ring by the other in each previous fight. Also, the fact that each fighter effectively "bounced" back (like rubber) to fight again the victor of one of the previous two fights to decide (at least by popular opinion) which of the two athletes is indeed the better fighter.”
Score Whisperer: right, I found the link, skimmed it, and sent it to you. I am not interested. But, if bowls still exists, i bet you could find it in NYC. Or bring it back. NYC is all about the archaic games
JHop: Thank you for being my research assistant
Score Whisperer: research facilitator. I am not particularly assisting
JHop: you did all the work. What the fuck is on the tv? What is this? “Tiger penis?!” “Make you strong in all the right places.” What is thisssss?!!! Ohhhhh. Booty Call!!!!!!
After the game ended, the Score Whisperer and I bantered about our mixed feelings regarding Ben Stiller, our mutual love of Dermot Mulroney and Amy Poehler, and most importantly, the epic awesomeness of Britney’s gold pants in her “Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know” video (Score Whisperer: "whew, these pants. Like, imagine all the subpar looking teenage tramps that got a pair and could not rock them half as well as Britney, which is to say pretty bad still. But lord that body. I am like, NOT an ass person, but BritBot was bringing BritBooty."). We then parted ways, deep in thought about if Britney’s ass can ever look like that again, and if so, would it one day shimmer like the sun after a rainstorm?
We met up again on Sunday for the “Rubber Match.”
JHop: Baseball has started! I have waited all day for this! That was a really pretty curve. I hope Beckett is good for like 3 innings and then blows up, as per usual. He looked good, but I will take a 20 pitch first inning. Theres a hit from dustin for you. Just for you
Score Whisperer: he has a way of doing that
JHop: A woman reporter, Tara Sullivan, got banned from the lockerroom today at Augusta. People are outraged
Score Whisperer: Oh, gosh, why can't Augusta never get its shit together
JHop: I don’t know. but its pretty tacky in 2011 for this crap. ARGH. first and third for gonzo. he scares me. i think he is an excellent hitter who will totally excel in fenway. i have fantasies that a yankee spy will convince him not to sign an extension. This will never happen, but a girl can dream
JHop: oh wow, i thought robbie had that. just short of a homerun. Beckett still looks good. 3 up, 3 down. Again. I do not have a good feeling about this
JHop: First and third, no outs. We need a double play ball. We got the double play, but run scores. Oh wow controversy! They are saying the runners should go back to the base because Youk was out of the baseline. This is super bizarre. Still double a play, but the other runners have to go back? Wait they DONT SCORE?! That is crazy. I would be livid if I was a sox fan. I mean, I get the point of the rule, but a totally ridiculous call by the umps. Nevertheless, he scores on the next play. Super fucking lame, all around. I blame ARod, he should be playing
Score Whisperer: I'm sorry, I am watching the game, but i have literally nothing to say about it
JHop: Totally okay, it has been anti-climactic so far. But now bases loaded, 2 outs in the bottom of the 6th, CC is coming out, fat whalecow coming in. Scary. What an incredibe play by chavez, who knocked it down and recovered for the out to save runs! Wow. Still 1-0. Josh beckett looks amazing. 9 Ks. still going strong. This sucks. We can get nothing going.
Score Whisperer: it's pretty balanced though. The Sox aren't capitalizing, so it's like irrelevant
JHop: i am shocked that the sox arent winning like 5-0. We are down to six outs
Score Whisperer: they should be. Six outs is a lot in a Sox/Yankees game. Like the Yankees could easily score 6 right now.
Score Whisperer: VARITEK. So crazy when he does shit like that
JHop: Sigh bases loaded 1 out. The yankees have been escaping all night. i dont know if they can do it again.
Score Whisperer: i do like when surprising parts of the line up do some good
JHop: really? marco scutaro? ARGH. that is probs the game unless the yankees can conjure some magic
Score Whisperer: oy with the patented Yankees/Sox pessimism. There is still some game left, stranger things have happened
JHop: I am pouting, in anger. So i am pangering? I like terry's harry potter glasses. Crawford out at least. 2 outs, second and third. it would be nice, i guess, to hold this at three. But your boy is up.
Score Whisperer: Oh, do you hear Pedroia's batter up song? It's for sure Rihanna. Though i cannot pinpoint the exact song
JHop: he has been a laser show lately. I would not be opposed to walking him here. Oh, I forgot who is now behind him. I miss the weak 2010 Red Sox. Oh WOW. They ARE walking him. Crazy call. Well if i was gonzo, i would tell the yankees to go fuck themselves. so this makes me especially nervous
Score Whisperer: yeah, they did. Right call, he pops out.
JHop: Okay well, yay for only being down by three with six outs left. You know, especially when we have gotten like two hits all day. This Brian Wilson beard commercial freaks me out. I dont want to know whats living in his beard. That is gross. We cannot hit anything, we are terrible.
Score Whisperer: i am a little afraid to go to sleep with the Sox in the lead
JHop: weird, hello Freddy Garcia. Wow what a shot by big papi. I’m surprised that wasnt out. 4-0 red sox. Welcome to the rivalry Freddy. FAIL. So did all of the Yankees tonight. Beckett pitched a beauty. Tex ends the game by striking out on a terrible call. God, I hate Papelbon. The Red Sox take two of three, their first two wins of the season, at our expense. They deserved this one, though. A big thanks to the Score Whisperer, even if her magic does not seem to work for me when she is rooting for the opposing team. Happy Monday, everyone. And may the Red Sox continue to win two games every ten days for the rest of the season.