Oh, did you think I was talking about Tiger? I was not. I was talking about his kickass awesome niece, Cheyenne Woods, who just won the ACC women’s individual golf title on Sunday. While 50 fans followed around the Demon Deacon junior throughout the day, more than 200 people were there to witness her final putt. She finished a career-best five under par with the victory. Then Uncle Tiger tweeted, "My niece, Cheyenne, just won the ACC golf title by 7 shots! That's awesome, I'm so proud of her.” He added “Now I am going to pick up some whores, a six-pack of Miller Lite, and it’s off to the blackjack table!” Okay, so he didn’t tweet that, but he very well could have.
It has been awhile since any “Woods” has been atop the leader board, but I love that it is Cheyenne’s impressive feat making headlines, rather than her horny uncle’s shenanigans. To be clear, the last time Tiger won a tournament was at the Australian Masters in November 2009 – only two weeks before The Incident. Like her famous uncle, Cheyenne’s first coach was Earl Woods Sr., Tiger’s dad. Before attending Wake Forest, she played golf for Xavier College Preparatory and won back-to-back Arizona state championships in 2006 and 2007. In total, she has won more than 30 amateur tournaments, although the ACC title is arguably her greatest victory. And in 2009, she received an exemption to play in the LPGA tour, but missed the cut by four strokes. I do not think we will be saying that very often in the future. I also like the fact that she has replaced Michelle Wie as golf’s next “It” Girl. Hopefully she will thrive under the pressure and scrutiny. Hopefully no one will run after her with a golf club and post her embarrassing sext messages online. Then again, hopefully she won’t bang it out with hookers all over the United States, but whatever, I am not one to judge (um, I totally am).
Crazily, Cheyenne Woods is the third straight Wake Forest golfer to win the individual title. On the other hand, UNC won this year’s team championship. I mean, really. WTF, Blue Devils? You need to represent on the hardwood and the greens. I have pretty much given up on the football or baseball field, but come on – we used to be dominant in women’s golf. They were like the only championships we won while I was in school. But losing to UNC and Wake? What’s next? N.C. State and Miami?! Unfuckingacceptable. While we are talking about The Dark Side, it should be noted that Prince Harry has decided to return to Carolina, along with the Muppet twins, Zeller and Henson. I wish I could mock this or make fun of him, but I give him props for making a great decision and putting school (and winning) ahead of money. God, I hate when UNC does something admirable.
Okay, I have to run. Enjoy your Tuesdays and check back later, guys!