1. Tonight is the Softball Championship, pitting the Wolfpack against ILX, which is, shockingly, not an airport abbreviation. We are playing somewhere up by 128th Street, which is so far away that I am pretty sure it is considered the borough of Guam. We are looking for a repeat of last week – hopefully with much less drama and a much less douchier umpire. And more importantly, we are looking for a repeat of last season – back-to-back titles, baby. I am pumped!
2. As expected, it is The Braces vs. The Peave in the Fantasy Baseball Championship, which also begins today. Joe Girardi’s Braces swept through the semi-finals, going 12-0 for the week, riding on the coattails of some excellent pitching by Stephen Strasburg, Dan Haren, and Brandon Beachy, as well as some timely hitting by Eric Hosmer and the always amazing Ryan Braun. I am nervous about this week, though; Byrnes When I Peavey has some really solid, streaky hitters. I have not dropped more than three points since Week Ten, but that means absolutely nothing at this point and my hitters have been struggling lately. This should be a good one, but The Braces have the edge.
3. In somewhat surprising news, Rex Ryan’s Fantasies dominated Week 1 of fantasy football, beating the SoHo Crew 145-96 (and I still have one player left). I think the Peave said something along the lines of, “Are you kidding me? Beginners fucking luck. 145 points!? Fuck everything about that.” And by “said something along the lines of,” I mean that is what he emailed to our league at 12:27 a.m. On one hand, I believe this is simply Phil Jackson-esque media tampering and mind games on the eve of our fantasy baseball championship. On the other hand, he should know by now not to underestimate my mad natural skillz in fantasy sports. Just because I did not know what a W/T was before Friday and still have no idea who Jacoby Ford is (he sounds like a guy I dated at Duke who we later found out was gay), does not mean that this is all due to beginner’s luck. It’s a gift; don’t be jealous. I would like to thank the Atlanta offense for sucking so badly, two nice men whom I just met named Ray Rice and Kenny Britt, Plaxico’s prison friends, Dylan for explaining was a W/T is, and foot fetish films everywhere for inspiring my team to Week 1 greatness. We are not called Rex Ryan’s Fantasies for nothing. (My apologies to the Soho Crew for falling victim to this ridiculousness. It really is a gift).
Week 2 brings The Fabulous Penguin into town, of Borg Baseball Blog fame and Countless Screaming Argonaut commissionership. You know, fantasy football just might be growing on me. To the point that I apparently signed up for a second league, which also includes The Peave and The Fabulous Penguin. My team in that league, which drafts Wednesday night, is called Dumbledore’s Army. I still have little idea what I am doing, but that seemingly works for me.
On that note, I am off to court on this very exciting Monday afternoon. Go Wolfpack, Braces, and Fantasies! We are going for a trifecta of championships here at CDTF, two-thirds of which involve make-believe teams. Clearly vital stuff, folks. Have a good day and check back tomorrow (when I will hopefully be hungover from celebratory Coors Lights).